Thursday, January 6, 2011

New Years Goals :)

Let me start by saying Nashville, the bowl game and New Years at the Grove Park were all amazing. Rum-and-dc, sunny spot on a cold day, dinner of only wine and cheese, skinny day - amazing. But to write a post now without including all the pictures I've yet to upload would be doing the incredible trip an enormous injustice. So, my friends, you will have to wait. But let me tell you, it's worth the wait.

Okay, okay. Here's a preview: 

:) More to come soon. In the meantime, I'd like to share some New Years Goals. Now, I'm not trying to go against the grain by not using the word "Resolutions." But most New Years Resolutions are solid, measurable things (lose X lbs, sleep X hours a night, etc) while mine are a little less tangible so I'm using the word "goals."

1. Live in truth. It's not like I'm a liar. But over the last year I caught myself in a couple little white lies. At the time, I thought I was sparing others feelings, or making a situation less awkward, or being generally harmless, but now I know I was really rationalizing. I want to live in complete truth.

2. Be grateful. Y'all know this is a constant goal of mine. I always make an effort to count my blessings and focus on the positive. This year I am making more time to spend in fellowship so that I may walk closer with God and grow in my relationship with Him. (Dedicating more time to Him these past few days has already made my load feel tons lighter and made my heart feel more open)

3. Don't judge. My least favorite part of me is the judgmental part of me. And it's a weird part. It's not judgmental against different races or classes, it's judgmental against personalities. If someone and I do not automatically click, I write them off immediately. Now, in my mind it's not always their fault. In fact, most of the time, it's my fault which leads me to goal #4.

4. Be confident. This is my toughest task. I am my hardest critic. And I'm naturally an introvert - not a scary, creepy introvert (no offense), but an 'it's hard for me to speak up with my ideas in a group' introvert. Somehow I always feel like my idea won't be good enough. And I'm horrible at public speaking. Horrible. I get the red splotchies like I do when I have the first sip of a glass of wine. This year I'm trying to do things that scare me. I'm trying to speak up before I have a chance to analyze the situation 50 million times, I'm trying to put myself in positions to be heard and seen. This is an ongoing struggle for me. Sometimes it helps to get outside of myself and say, "Hey. You are a kind person. You have a great job that you love. You are pretty enough. You have wonderful friends and family that love you. You are okay. Don't be so small and scared." I never realized it until I wrote that, but "feeling small" is the best way I can describe it. I remember my last year at UNC, I felt larger than life. I was confident in school, I knew the town I lived in inside and out, I went out all the time and smiled and laughed and lived life. I never thought I'd feel small in the city I was born and raised in, but Raleigh has really grown. And as I begin my career, I'm back on the bottom. I need to work on getting back to that confident place. (Part of this goal may involve putting this blog "out there" a bit.)

5. Be social.  I have so many awesome friends. And I'm at this great place where I'm meeting some really cool new ones too. But most of the time, when friends call, I ignore the call. Most Friday nights I'd rather be on my couch with a bottle of wine by myself than out with people. I vow to change this. There will be plenty of times for Fridays with wine on the couch when I have kids and they go to bed. I'm 24 and I need to start acting like it a little more. I think moving into a house with one of my best friends in two weeks will help the process, too.

6. Be open. I've been through a few things in my life that have made me guarded. It's funny because most would not describe me as guarded. I'm extremely caring and my heart tends to beat out my head every time. But, internally, there's a lot going on. This year I'm vowing to not let all the past "mess" get in the way. I will be open. I will start a clean slate with everyone I know. One of my favorite sayings applies here, "If you agree to bury the hatchet, don't leave the handle sticking out." I also vow not to turn down opportunities because I'm afraid nothing could beat what I've already had. If it doesn't, no harm done; if it does, well I would have missed out if I hadn't. :)

7. Stop overanlayzing. Pretty self-explanatory, but much needed.

This sums up how I want to live 2011:

All I want from you is to trust me with what little you can,
and grow in loving people around you with the same love I share with you.
It's not your job to change them, or to convince them.
You are free to love without an agenda.
The Shack

Happy New Year loves!

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